Monday, November 23, 2009

Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Six

Coming off their first and only loss, Azh's Bashas were looking to recover their place at the top of the division when they faced off against the potent offense of the Plaguebringaz, league leaders in pass attempts, catches, passing yards, rushing yards, touchdowns, and surprisingly, knockouts!

Embarrassed by the ease with which Orion the Titans had routed his team last week, Azh decided that he had better find out more about the Plaguebringaz roster before the game started. To this end he dispatched a couple of sneaky gobbos and they returned with three names, each accompanied by a crude drawing. The first name was Skreeluz, and below it stood an outline of a ratman with an extra arm sticking out from its side. The second name was Skreetz, and this figure bulged with distorted muscles. Finally there was the the name of Snutz, this one in a running pose with several horizontal lines trailing behind it. Scratching his head, Azh turned, showed the parchment to his Blizters and said:

"See deze rats?! Youz luuk fer dem an bash dem duwn. Ib dem git back up, youz bash dem agin!!"

The assembled Greenskins let out a resounding Hoowaaagh! for the brilliance of the tactical decisions made by their coach and charged out onto the field, ready to scrap with their opponent.

First Half:

Bashas receive the opening kickoff. Flying downfield before the ball even reaches the field, Galth sees the distinctive rat with the grotesque extra arm clearly visible. He slams into Skreezulz at full speed, grabbing the hapless rodent by two of its arms, swinging it over his head and slamming the Gutter Runner into the turf with spine-snapping thud. The Plaguebringaz sent their apothecary on the field, as the crowd erupts into frenzied cheering at the first sight of blood, but there was nothing he could do to save the unfortunate player.

Meanwhile, on the far end of the field, Gugfak cradles the ball, moving up the right side of the field behind a solid shield of black orcs and lineman. Skreetz, the second star Gutter Runner for the Plaguebringaz, enraged by the death of his litter mate, sprints past the line and tries to get a quick hit on Gugfak, but the attempt only results in the Orc Thrower falling back a step. The center of the rat defense is crushed and pushed to the right side of the field in front of the advancing orc offense. Chirkit the Kitteneater is badly hurt by Galnak during this push, putting the Plaguebringaz down by two players before the game has hardly begun.

Coming off the push on Gugfak, Skreetz bolts for the Bashas endzone. But Riknast remembers the words of his coach and chases the veteran Gutter Runner down from behind, snapping the rat's neck in a surprisingly brutal tackle, marking the second death for the Plaguebringaz in the game! Skreetz's mighty rat-strength proved to be no match for an enraged Orc Blitzer.

The Bashas methodically move up the right sidelines, driving the remaining rats before them. The Plaguebringaz fight tooth and claw, pushing back on the front line, but never able to break through. Badhag and Galth are pummeled by Snyykz the Gnawer as they try to find room downfield. With both Blitzters on the ground, one of them stunned, Snkyykz charges into the cage, trying to break a hole for his teammates. But as he pushes Varag backwards, Frenzy takes over and he follows the Black Orc into a crowd of Bashas players. Varag snarls and lunges back, causing a head-to-head collision that sends both players to the ground, leaving Snkyykz momentarily stunned. With noone downfield to throw to, Gugfak keeps the ball himself, stepping over the prone Rat Ogre and pushing ahead of his blockers. Badhag rockets off the ground, throwing Kriik One-paw backwards and sprinting for the endzone. But the rats are quick, and a young linerat named Kreeyz puts forth a heroic effort and makes a desperation tackle of Gugfak, freeing the ball. Waffyl the Lethal tries to step up and grab it, but he slips on the ball, falling to the ground. Varag, Galnak and Earguff clear space around the loose squigskin as Marfak slides in to pick it up, then swiftly hands it off to Itsham the Goblin, who dashes into the endzone for a touchdown!

Plaguebringaz receive the ensuing kickoff and strike hard on the right side of the field. Snyykz the Gnawer leading the charge as Snutz the Slippery, fastest player in the league, streaks down the sideline. The Basha Blizters, downfield as safeties, move to cutoff the open lane, pounding the Stormvermin Crytt, lead blocker for the Plaguebringaz offensive push, and putting pressure on Snutz.

Meanwhile, back in the middle of the field, another tragedy befalls the rats, as Whutuk the linerat, has his career prematurely ended by a mighty blow to the head from Earguff the troll, making him the third casualty of the night! The Plaguebringaz are unable to advance the ball further as first half ends.

Second half:

Plaguebringaz get the kickoff to start the second half, again pushing hard on the right side behind the broad, hairy back of their powerful Rat Ogre, who sallies forth and delivers a killing blow to Gramnast, up and coming lineman for the Bashas. The orc apothecary starts to run out onto the field, but before he can get there, Snyykz has dismembered the helpless orc, making any attempts at resuscitation a pointless endeavor.

Kutz the Sneek, second string receiver for the Plaguebringaz, fields the ball and makes short pass to put it in the hand of Kriik One Paw, primary Thrower for the rat team. The back blitzers for the Bashas again rumble over to stop the advance, throwing Waffyl into the path of the ultra-speedy Gutter runner. Undaunted, One Paw slides over to the sideline, launching a perfect strike to Snutz, who easily catches the ball. He turns upfield and tries to duck between the defending Blitzers, but the orcs slam the fragile Runner between them, sending him off the field for the rest of the game and completing their primary job of removing the three star Gutter Runners from the game.

Riknast knocks Waffyl the Lethal away from the ball, breaking his collarbone in the process. Spinning around, Riknast then picks up the ball, moving back to the middle of the field, inside the protection of the Bashas line. Snyykz tries to blitz in and recover the ball, but Marfak trips him up, giving Riknast time to run past midfield, following the hulking form of Varag, who delivers a crippling block on Lhykk the Claw, backup thrower for the Plaguebringaz, sending yet another rat off he field for the remainder of the match.

Kniim the Quick slips past the powerful grasp of Varag, lowers his horns and drives into the midriff of Riknast. But the Blizter holds strong, giving up a step but maintaining his footing and possession of the ball.

Galnast shoulders Kreeyz to the ground, inflaming a previous injury and crowding the Plaguebringaz injury box with an additional unconscious rat. Kniim again makes a play for the ball, but Badhag intercepts him, driving the rat to the ground and knocking him out cold. Riknast is able to walk into the endzone unopposed, the closest Plaguebringaz player over 40 yards away.

The rats can only field six for final kickoff. And just to rub salt in the wound, the Bashas get an early jump on the kick, allowing the Bashas to surround the ball as it lands. Kniim the Quick, again taking a chance to try and make something happen for his team, slams into Galth unexpectedly, knocking the Blitzer out of bounds where over-excited fans stun him. One Paw slides in past Sorruk, claiming the ball for his team. But as he tries to dodge away from the orcs, he slips on the blood of one of his teammates, falling hard and inadvertently launching the ball of the field. The fans eagerly throw it back, sending it downfield and just a few yards away from the Plaguebringaz goal line. Kniim the Quick dashes over but fumbles the pickup attempt. Thundering downfield, Galnast knocks him out making room for Badhag to recover ball and walk in for the third and final score as the whistle blows to end the game.

Final Score: Bashas 3, Plaguebringaz 0

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Five

Day Five dawned and Azh's Bashas were feeling cocky. Their next opponent was the human team of the Waterdeep Warriors, and the Bashas had always had success when playing humans in the past. Little did they know that the ominous signs in the shaman's mushroom tea that morning were not something to be ignored.

The teams faced off for the coin flip. Across from the Bashas stood one human in particular that they would know well by the end of the game. Orion the Titan, he of the Leo's Loincloths and Bloodweiser Light Ale advertisements. Heartthrob for every woman, young and old, this side of the Grey Mountains. With his broad shoulders, flowing hair and blindingly white smile, Orion dazzled the ladies while also serving as the heart and soul of the Warriors team, leading the team's stat sheet in scoring, running, and only second in passing by a few yards.

In an early sign that something might be wrong this day, the Bashas lose the toss and the Waterdeep Warriors elect to receive the opening kickoff.

First Half:

As the ball sails through the air, the Warriors hit the center, driving the entire Bashas front line backwards and opening a lane for Orion the Titan and Tresdon Lofthouse, rookie Catcher, to advance down the field on the lefthand side. Johnny Nebraska, star thrower for the Warriors, fields the ball deep and also shifts to the left side of the field, waiting for a clear throwing line. The Bashas move to cover, but fail to put enough pressure on the human Thrower. And as Orion dodges away from double coverage, finding his way to the corner of the Bashas endzone, Johnny Nebraska hits him with a perfect pass. The Titan juggles the ball momentarily, but manages to keep control, scoring a quick touchdown for the Warriors and stunning the home crowd!

The ensuing kickoff lands at the feet of Gugfak, Thrower for Azh's Bashas. He takes the ball and moves downfield as the rest of the team pounds on the Warrior line. But in an incredible display of athleticism, Orion the Titan slips between two black orcs, sprints as hard as he can upfield and delivers a swift and decisive knockout punch to Gugfak, sending the astonished Thrower to the sidelines for the rest of the game! The orcs respond as best they know how, knocking out one lineman, injuring another and stunning Tresdon. Sorruk manages to cover the loose ball for the Bashas, but the Waterdeep Warriors are not to be denied. Sir Conrad Draco shakes off his blocker and knocks Sorruk to the turf, freeing the ball so that Orion can make another magnificent play, dodging around Riknast, fielding the ball, slipping away from a tackle and prancing into the endzone for his second score of the game!

With Gugfak out, Riknast takes over kickoff receiving duty. Riknast brings the ball back up the middle, where the Black Orcs are making short work of the Human line. But again Orion makes a play. Pulling himself up off the ground, dodging a tackle and hitting Riknast as he stands surrounded by his teammates on all sides. Unsurprisingly, the ploy works, but an ever alert Gramnast tucks the ball away for the Bashas before the Titan can get his hands on it. Sorruk throws Titan down, as Gramnast tries to give the ball to Marfak. But a botched handoff sees the squigskin hit the turf once again. Both teams converge, and in the scrum Sorruk is injured and out for the rest of the game. Badhag scoops ball as Riknast streaks downfield. Badhag breaks free and attempts a pass, but as it slips from his hand, everyone realizes why his career as a Thrower never went anywhere. Embrassingly, that is the final play of the first half, and the Bashas try and regroup on the sidelines, down 2-0.

Second Half:

Bashas get kickoff to start the second half, though this time Badhag received the kick. In the manner of battles everywhere, the two teams collide. As the fighting rages in middle and left of the field. Badhag cuts back across his blockers, taking it up the right side to the midway point. With a screen of defenders, Badhag continues charging downfield, lowering a shoulder as he runs through pretty-boy Orion (who unfortunately, was uninjured on the play). Undaunted, the Titan quickly hops off the ground and tries to return the favor, but Badhag throws him down again. As Badhag trots in for a Bashas score, vicious blocks send both Baron Bedlam and Tresdon to the benches, though the human doctors manage to get both back in the game on the next series.

Emboldened by their score, the Bashas get away with an early jump on the kickoff. Moving quickly, Varag clears way for Galth to sneak downfield and be in position to catch his own team's kickoff! But as he does, Orion the Titan flies over from midfield and hits Galth hard. Amazingly, Galth stays on his feet, stiff-arming the Titan and holding his ground! Varag runs up and pushes Orion down, but the delay was enough for several other Warriors players to converge, gang-tackling Galth as he tries to break away from the pack. Sir Conrad Draco takes care of Varag, allowing Johnny Nebraska room to dash in and grab the ball. He falls back into pocket of blockers and hands it off to Tresdon who bolts downfield, into Bashas territory. Baron Bedlam is again Knocked Out at midfield as Itsham the Goblin jumps onto Tresdon's back while Badhag lunges from the ground, sending Tresdon flying backwards. The ball pops up and lands right in the paws of Itsham, but this was not a game to remember for the little Greenskin, as he drops his second catch of the day!

This event sent Coach Azhog into such a fit of rage, that he blacked out. When he awoke, the game was over, the score unchanged, and the Bashas had been handed their first loss ever!

Final Score: Azh's Bashas 1, Waterdeep Warriors 2

Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Four

In the closing hours of Day Four of Season Two of the Clomp! Cup, the proud Orcs of Azh's Bashas meet up with the Skaven team, SneakyVermin, one of the offensive powerhouses in Division Two.

First Half:

Opening kickoff sails out of bounds. SneakyVermin chooses to give the ball to Kriik, the veteran thrower for the Skaven team.

Quyuthc the Stormvermin, blitzes the left side, pushing back an Orc Blizter to make room for Knetform Cutter, the two-headed Gutter Runner to slip past. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the field, the other Runner, Lhire the Lethal, dodges past Marfak and finds open space deep in the Bashas backfield. The Bashas lay out Lhire the Lethal, throwing him to the ground in a daze while two defenders try and cover Knetform. The font line of the Bashas pound the linerats into the turf, but in doing so, they leave a wide gap in the front defenses. Kriik tries to take advantage of the hole, moving over to make a handoff to the rookie Runner Lhylk, who fumbles the ball! Varag Goug'liver rumbles downfield, knocking the rookie out and looming over the squigskin. The Bashas hurl most of the still-standing rats to the ground, but undaunted, Kriik slips past Varag and Earguff the Troll, snagging the ball with one hand as he moves up past midfield and makes a perfect throw into double coverage to his star receiver, Knetform. While the second head spits curses at the nearby orcs, Knetform easily spins away from his defenders and scrambles into the endzone for a quick touchdown and the first score of the game!

The following kickoff is deep, nearly to the Bashas goal line and perilously close to the sideline. Gugfak retrieves it as the Black Orcs again demolish the front line of the SneakyVermin. Two linerats pentrate the Bashas backfield, but Gugfak finds an open lane and passes to midfield where the Gobline Itsham, in his debut series of the game, makes a beautiful catch and dashes straight through the middle, hopping over the unconcious Rat Ogre. Earguff the Troll and Riknast the Blitzer follow the Goblin as support, but the ever quick Skaven respond rapidly, blocking access to the endzone and nearly tackling the goblin. But Itsham proves to be as wily as the rats, side-stepping one tackle, dodging from another and racing into the endzone to tie up the game!

With only a few minutes left in the half, the SneakyVermin need a quick strike to try and regain the lead. They load up the right-hand side of the field, forming a cage of squirming rodent bodies. Things take a turn in the wrong direction for the Bashas when Earguff tangles with Breakbang, the SneakyVermin Rat Ogre, and knocks himself out! The rats take advantage, pushing back the orc blockers as Lhire the Lethal carries the ball down the sideline and past midfield. Galnak Break'Zom nearly kills one of the linerats, but a hunched, hooded figure rushes from the sidelines, emits a guttering squeal in the strange Skaven tongue while waving the most foul-smelling incense over the immobile corpse. Amazingly, the injured lineman suddenly shakes his head groggily, stands up, and trots off to the sideline, no worse for the wear!

But the gap left in the defending cage by his departure is enough. Riknast dodges away from his coverage, stunning Lhire and sending the ball flying into the hairy paws of Pwyer, another one of the linerats (these beasts seem to be everywhere) and kickoff specialist for the SneakyVermin team. With the rat cage effectively bottled up and the clock winding down, Pwyer attempts a desperation heave to a wide-open Whutuk. But Badhag, coming in on a pressure blitz, jumps up and pulls the ball down, catching his second interception of the season to end the first half!

Second Half:

Still dazed and confused, Earguff remains on the sideline at the start of the second half as the Bashas receive the ball. And, as it turns out, he would never get a chance to return to the game. Enraged fans, unhappy that their favorite Troll isn't on the field, rush the pitch on the opening kickoff, stunning several players from both teams.

The Bashas try a repeat of their first half score, but the normally sure-handed Itsham misses the catch, dropping the ball onto the back of one of the rats and watching it bounce into the open field. The rats waste no time, as the Stormvermin Rhituk picks up the squigskin and advances downfield. Gugfak, with the help of a distraught Itsham, levels Rhituk, putting the ball back onto the turf. Riknast breaks away from double coverage on the far side of the field and sprints over to try and assist in retrieving the ball.

But Knetform the two-headed makes a brilliant play, dodging away from one orc, sliding in to recover the ball, and then spinning, twisting, diving and dodging to find his way through the Bashas defense, avoiding no less than three additional tackles! Riknast shrugs off his blocker, running downfield to make a touchdown-saving tackle on the elusive Gutter Runner. But one of the spikes on his boots catches the ball as as he tries to retrieve it, sending it skittering away from his grasp. Knetform again shows off his skills, dodging one tackle as he picks himself up off the ground and recovers the ball, but despite a heroic effort, the second head doesn't save him this time as Riknast grabs him by the extra neck and hurls the rat to the ground. Riknast makes up for his skills in brutality with a distinct lack of grace, colliding with the ball again, as it rolls to the very edge of the Bashas goal line! But the third time proves to be the charm, as Riknast finally recovers the squigskin and moves it back upfield, away from goal. Several teammates run over to provide assistance and it looks like the Bashas might have a chance to move the length of the field for the winning score.

But noone ever called the Skaven slow, and the rats swarm over the orcs while Breakbang slams into the cage, disrupting it enough to prevent any meaningful advancement. Resigned to a tie game, the Bashas decide to simply break a few heads. But, despite knocking out Knetform, no real injuries are sustained, and the game ends.

Final Score: Bashas 1, SneakyVermin 1

Friday, November 13, 2009

Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Three

On Day Three, the Bashas face off against the Wood Elves of the Tree Rats team, who oddly enough, are 'coached' by a frothing orc they keep in a cage! A bit confused by the situation, but eager to bash in some elf heads, Azh's Bashas crack their knuckles in anticipation of the upcoming carnage.

First Half:

Bashas get the kickoff. The ball sails deep, landing a few feet from the endzone. The violence starts early as Galnak strikes one of the Tree Rat Lineman in the neck, pinching a nerve and sending him off for an extended apothecary visit. But the great Treany Mightbud responds, delivering a knockout blow to one of the Black Orcs. Meanwhile Gugfak, Thrower for the Bashas team, grabs the ball as elven attackers begin to sprint for the backfield. Seeing a clear opening to the Goblin Itsham, he throws a perfect spiral which the goblin fails to catch. Muttering something about a new trophy for his belt, Gugfak quickly runs over and recovers the ball himself, only to be hit in the back with a jarring blow from the Wardancer Mahtalyth, knocking the ball loose. Thatalyth swoops in, grabbing the ball and dropping back before launching a pass over the heads of the defending orcs. But Badhag, star Blizter for the Bashas, makes an astounding leap, latching onto the ball with one grubby paw and ambling for the left sideline, away from the mass of elven players. And though elvish speed proves enough to threaten the Blitzer, they are unable to make a tackle, and he dodges his way into the endzone for the first score of the game.

The Rats receive the ball, loading the right-side of the field for their attack. The ball falls short and the elvish team makes a strong push up the right side, clearing the way for no less than three of their players to slip past the orc line and form a tight wedge. With a mighty scramble and perfectly placed pass, Elvananfel send the ball to the Wardancer Mahtalyth who finds herself with the ball and empty grass ahead. An easy score in the waiting. But the orcs move almost as quickly, swinging around in front of the elf while further upfield Marfak breaks the neck of their star Catcher, Heven. Undeterred, Mahtalyth nimbly dodges through the arms of two orcs and trots in for the tying score.

Second Half:

First possession of the second half goes to the Tree Rats who try a repeat of their previously successful offense. Things start off well as Mightybud sends another Black Orc to the sidelines, but a poor block by one of the elven lineman allows Marfak and Badhag to streak into the backfield and sack the ballcarrier. The squigskin lands in Marfak's hands and he scores without breaking a sweat.

At this point the Tree Rats seemed to become demoralized, cowering in the backfield, leaving only the Treant to bear the brunt of the Bashas defense. Expecting some sort of elvish trickery, the Bashas move tentatively forward. Badhag and Marfak lead the vanguard while Earguff and the Black Orcs swarm Mightybeard, pulling him to the ground and tearing off a few branches. Finally one elf steps forward to pick up the ball and makes a half-hearted throw towards the sideline, but the ball falls from the back of his hand. The Blizter's eyes light up at this sign of life from their opponent, and they rush forward, throwing the elf to the ground as Badhag gathers the ball and bolts right through the middle of the elven parade line for his second score of the day.

But when again the elves simply fall back after the kickoff, the orcs get confused. They seem uncertain as to whether the game had even restarted, and as they mill about in confusion the referee blows the whistle, signaling the end of the match.

Final Score: Bashas 3, Tree Rats 1

Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Two

The reformed Chaos team, Malal'z Marauders, marched into the Basha stadium, eager to meet their foe in an epic clash of strength. And speaking of strength, one Beastman bulged suspiciously with muscle. So much so that Azhog was convinced that some secret chaos mojo had been used to grant him extra power. But nonetheless, the orcs of Azh's Bashas were undaunted and ready for battle themselves.

First Half:
The Bashas win the coin toss and choose to receive. Gugfak fields the ball and pushes straight up the middle with a loose cage of orcs around him. Galnak the Black Orc breaks a hole in the Marauders line, but the Chaos team swiftly responds, hammering the orc defense and pressuring Gugfak. But with a few key blocks, Gugfak breaks free and hands off to Itsham who dodges away from the swinging arms of a snarling Beastman and runs as fast as his little gobo legs will go to reach the endzone, scoring the first (and what would turn out to be the last) touchdown of the game.

With that quick score, the Bashas feel confident as they kick deep. The ball is caught by Thor'nogors the Many-Armed as the front line of the Marauders pushes the orcs back and the hulking Minotaur seriously injures Earguff the Troll. A huge hole is opened in the line with the departure of the Troll, but the Marauders miss their chance to take advantage of it as the Orc Blizters rush over to fill the gaps. Seeing this, the ball carrier bounces out to the right sideline with a solid screen of blockers. But the Black Orcs again respond, slamming into the defending screen and jarring the ball loose. The fighting is fierce. Sorruk the Orc Lineman is KOed. A Beastman by the name of Mashky Pelt is killed by Varag, but a Marauder Shaman quickly runs onto the field and sews the injured player's head back on, though it ends up a being little crooked. The Marauders manage to recover the ball but a fumbled pass and subsequent KO of Crazy Hide by Varag prevents the score as the first half ends.

Second Half:
The second half kickoff begins much like the last. Earguff returns after a hefty dose of smelling salts and immediately gets into a wrestling match with Marauders Minotaur. But the Chaos team tries something different this time. Spikey Pelt catches the ball deep, his hooves on his own endzone. He quickly darts upfield, passing it to Thor'nogors in the middle of the field. Varag again earns his keep, making a key tackle on the ball carrier, but as luck would have it, the squigskin flies up and into the arms of an unsuspecting Bash'gors. The surprised Beastman, wanting nothing to do with the ball, quickly hands it off to Brother Ezekiel, the Chaos Warrior. By this time every player still standing from both teams is involved in the battle for the middle of the field. As the orcs hammer the outside blockers, bodies get thrown around, jostling Brother Ezekiel until he suddenly finds himself shoved from the pack and face to face with the grinning Black Orc line. As the Warrior goes down, the ball slips through the hands of another orc and the battle moves to follow as it rolls towards the sideline.

The Bashas have a chance to advance the ball, but Gugfak makes an ill-advised tackle, resulting in an injury that will keep him out of the rest of the game. Riknast the Orc Blizter picks up the ball, is knocked down, and then proceeds to jump right back up, delivering a game-ending blow to the gut to Bash'gors, sending the unfortunate beast off the field. But as Riknast turns to grab the ball, it slips through his fingers, leaving him vulnerable along the sideline. The Marauders quickly retaliate, sending both Riknast and Gramnast to the bench with injuries and recovering the ball. But in a repeat of the first half ending, Varag Goug'Liver again knocks down the ball carrier and then also breaks the jaw of a second Beastman by the name of Spikey Pelt who was making a desperate, last-ditch effort to gather the ball and attempt a score.

Final Score: Bashas 1, Marauders 0