Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Five

Day Five dawned and Azh's Bashas were feeling cocky. Their next opponent was the human team of the Waterdeep Warriors, and the Bashas had always had success when playing humans in the past. Little did they know that the ominous signs in the shaman's mushroom tea that morning were not something to be ignored.

The teams faced off for the coin flip. Across from the Bashas stood one human in particular that they would know well by the end of the game. Orion the Titan, he of the Leo's Loincloths and Bloodweiser Light Ale advertisements. Heartthrob for every woman, young and old, this side of the Grey Mountains. With his broad shoulders, flowing hair and blindingly white smile, Orion dazzled the ladies while also serving as the heart and soul of the Warriors team, leading the team's stat sheet in scoring, running, and only second in passing by a few yards.

In an early sign that something might be wrong this day, the Bashas lose the toss and the Waterdeep Warriors elect to receive the opening kickoff.

First Half:

As the ball sails through the air, the Warriors hit the center, driving the entire Bashas front line backwards and opening a lane for Orion the Titan and Tresdon Lofthouse, rookie Catcher, to advance down the field on the lefthand side. Johnny Nebraska, star thrower for the Warriors, fields the ball deep and also shifts to the left side of the field, waiting for a clear throwing line. The Bashas move to cover, but fail to put enough pressure on the human Thrower. And as Orion dodges away from double coverage, finding his way to the corner of the Bashas endzone, Johnny Nebraska hits him with a perfect pass. The Titan juggles the ball momentarily, but manages to keep control, scoring a quick touchdown for the Warriors and stunning the home crowd!

The ensuing kickoff lands at the feet of Gugfak, Thrower for Azh's Bashas. He takes the ball and moves downfield as the rest of the team pounds on the Warrior line. But in an incredible display of athleticism, Orion the Titan slips between two black orcs, sprints as hard as he can upfield and delivers a swift and decisive knockout punch to Gugfak, sending the astonished Thrower to the sidelines for the rest of the game! The orcs respond as best they know how, knocking out one lineman, injuring another and stunning Tresdon. Sorruk manages to cover the loose ball for the Bashas, but the Waterdeep Warriors are not to be denied. Sir Conrad Draco shakes off his blocker and knocks Sorruk to the turf, freeing the ball so that Orion can make another magnificent play, dodging around Riknast, fielding the ball, slipping away from a tackle and prancing into the endzone for his second score of the game!

With Gugfak out, Riknast takes over kickoff receiving duty. Riknast brings the ball back up the middle, where the Black Orcs are making short work of the Human line. But again Orion makes a play. Pulling himself up off the ground, dodging a tackle and hitting Riknast as he stands surrounded by his teammates on all sides. Unsurprisingly, the ploy works, but an ever alert Gramnast tucks the ball away for the Bashas before the Titan can get his hands on it. Sorruk throws Titan down, as Gramnast tries to give the ball to Marfak. But a botched handoff sees the squigskin hit the turf once again. Both teams converge, and in the scrum Sorruk is injured and out for the rest of the game. Badhag scoops ball as Riknast streaks downfield. Badhag breaks free and attempts a pass, but as it slips from his hand, everyone realizes why his career as a Thrower never went anywhere. Embrassingly, that is the final play of the first half, and the Bashas try and regroup on the sidelines, down 2-0.


Second Half:

Bashas get kickoff to start the second half, though this time Badhag received the kick. In the manner of battles everywhere, the two teams collide. As the fighting rages in middle and left of the field. Badhag cuts back across his blockers, taking it up the right side to the midway point. With a screen of defenders, Badhag continues charging downfield, lowering a shoulder as he runs through pretty-boy Orion (who unfortunately, was uninjured on the play). Undaunted, the Titan quickly hops off the ground and tries to return the favor, but Badhag throws him down again. As Badhag trots in for a Bashas score, vicious blocks send both Baron Bedlam and Tresdon to the benches, though the human doctors manage to get both back in the game on the next series.

Emboldened by their score, the Bashas get away with an early jump on the kickoff. Moving quickly, Varag clears way for Galth to sneak downfield and be in position to catch his own team's kickoff! But as he does, Orion the Titan flies over from midfield and hits Galth hard. Amazingly, Galth stays on his feet, stiff-arming the Titan and holding his ground! Varag runs up and pushes Orion down, but the delay was enough for several other Warriors players to converge, gang-tackling Galth as he tries to break away from the pack. Sir Conrad Draco takes care of Varag, allowing Johnny Nebraska room to dash in and grab the ball. He falls back into pocket of blockers and hands it off to Tresdon who bolts downfield, into Bashas territory. Baron Bedlam is again Knocked Out at midfield as Itsham the Goblin jumps onto Tresdon's back while Badhag lunges from the ground, sending Tresdon flying backwards. The ball pops up and lands right in the paws of Itsham, but this was not a game to remember for the little Greenskin, as he drops his second catch of the day!

This event sent Coach Azhog into such a fit of rage, that he blacked out. When he awoke, the game was over, the score unchanged, and the Bashas had been handed their first loss ever!

Final Score: Azh's Bashas 1, Waterdeep Warriors 2

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Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Four

In the closing hours of Day Four of Season Two of the Clomp! Cup, the proud Orcs of Azh's Bashas meet up with the Skaven team, SneakyVermin, one of the offensive powerhouses in Division Two.

First Half:

Opening kickoff sails out of bounds. SneakyVermin chooses to give the ball to Kriik, the veteran thrower for the Skaven team.

Quyuthc the Stormvermin, blitzes the left side, pushing back an Orc Blizter to make room for Knetform Cutter, the two-headed Gutter Runner to slip past. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the field, the other Runner, Lhire the Lethal, dodges past Marfak and finds open space deep in the Bashas backfield. The Bashas lay out Lhire the Lethal, throwing him to the ground in a daze while two defenders try and cover Knetform. The font line of the Bashas pound the linerats into the turf, but in doing so, they leave a wide gap in the front defenses. Kriik tries to take advantage of the hole, moving over to make a handoff to the rookie Runner Lhylk, who fumbles the ball! Varag Goug'liver rumbles downfield, knocking the rookie out and looming over the squigskin. The Bashas hurl most of the still-standing rats to the ground, but undaunted, Kriik slips past Varag and Earguff the Troll, snagging the ball with one hand as he moves up past midfield and makes a perfect throw into double coverage to his star receiver, Knetform. While the second head spits curses at the nearby orcs, Knetform easily spins away from his defenders and scrambles into the endzone for a quick touchdown and the first score of the game!

The following kickoff is deep, nearly to the Bashas goal line and perilously close to the sideline. Gugfak retrieves it as the Black Orcs again demolish the front line of the SneakyVermin. Two linerats pentrate the Bashas backfield, but Gugfak finds an open lane and passes to midfield where the Gobline Itsham, in his debut series of the game, makes a beautiful catch and dashes straight through the middle, hopping over the unconcious Rat Ogre. Earguff the Troll and Riknast the Blitzer follow the Goblin as support, but the ever quick Skaven respond rapidly, blocking access to the endzone and nearly tackling the goblin. But Itsham proves to be as wily as the rats, side-stepping one tackle, dodging from another and racing into the endzone to tie up the game!

With only a few minutes left in the half, the SneakyVermin need a quick strike to try and regain the lead. They load up the right-hand side of the field, forming a cage of squirming rodent bodies. Things take a turn in the wrong direction for the Bashas when Earguff tangles with Breakbang, the SneakyVermin Rat Ogre, and knocks himself out! The rats take advantage, pushing back the orc blockers as Lhire the Lethal carries the ball down the sideline and past midfield. Galnak Break'Zom nearly kills one of the linerats, but a hunched, hooded figure rushes from the sidelines, emits a guttering squeal in the strange Skaven tongue while waving the most foul-smelling incense over the immobile corpse. Amazingly, the injured lineman suddenly shakes his head groggily, stands up, and trots off to the sideline, no worse for the wear!

But the gap left in the defending cage by his departure is enough. Riknast dodges away from his coverage, stunning Lhire and sending the ball flying into the hairy paws of Pwyer, another one of the linerats (these beasts seem to be everywhere) and kickoff specialist for the SneakyVermin team. With the rat cage effectively bottled up and the clock winding down, Pwyer attempts a desperation heave to a wide-open Whutuk. But Badhag, coming in on a pressure blitz, jumps up and pulls the ball down, catching his second interception of the season to end the first half!


Second Half:

Still dazed and confused, Earguff remains on the sideline at the start of the second half as the Bashas receive the ball. And, as it turns out, he would never get a chance to return to the game. Enraged fans, unhappy that their favorite Troll isn't on the field, rush the pitch on the opening kickoff, stunning several players from both teams.

The Bashas try a repeat of their first half score, but the normally sure-handed Itsham misses the catch, dropping the ball onto the back of one of the rats and watching it bounce into the open field. The rats waste no time, as the Stormvermin Rhituk picks up the squigskin and advances downfield. Gugfak, with the help of a distraught Itsham, levels Rhituk, putting the ball back onto the turf. Riknast breaks away from double coverage on the far side of the field and sprints over to try and assist in retrieving the ball.

But Knetform the two-headed makes a brilliant play, dodging away from one orc, sliding in to recover the ball, and then spinning, twisting, diving and dodging to find his way through the Bashas defense, avoiding no less than three additional tackles! Riknast shrugs off his blocker, running downfield to make a touchdown-saving tackle on the elusive Gutter Runner. But one of the spikes on his boots catches the ball as as he tries to retrieve it, sending it skittering away from his grasp. Knetform again shows off his skills, dodging one tackle as he picks himself up off the ground and recovers the ball, but despite a heroic effort, the second head doesn't save him this time as Riknast grabs him by the extra neck and hurls the rat to the ground. Riknast makes up for his skills in brutality with a distinct lack of grace, colliding with the ball again, as it rolls to the very edge of the Bashas goal line! But the third time proves to be the charm, as Riknast finally recovers the squigskin and moves it back upfield, away from goal. Several teammates run over to provide assistance and it looks like the Bashas might have a chance to move the length of the field for the winning score.

But noone ever called the Skaven slow, and the rats swarm over the orcs while Breakbang slams into the cage, disrupting it enough to prevent any meaningful advancement. Resigned to a tie game, the Bashas decide to simply break a few heads. But, despite knocking out Knetform, no real injuries are sustained, and the game ends.


Final Score: Bashas 1, SneakyVermin 1

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Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Three

On Day Three, the Bashas face off against the Wood Elves of team Tree Rat, who oddly enough, are 'coached' by a frothing orc they keep in a cage! A bit confused by the situation, but eager to bash in some elf heads, Azh's Bashas crack their knuckles in anticipation of the upcoming carnage.


First Half:

Bashas get the kickoff. The ball sails deep, landing a few feet from the endzone. The violence starts early as Galnak strikes one of the Tree Rat Lineman in the neck, pinching a nerve and sending him off for an extended apothecary visit. But the great Treany Mightbud responds, delivering a knockout blow to one of the Black Orcs. Meanwhile Gugfak, Thrower for the Bashas team, grabs the ball as elven attackers begin to sprint for the backfield. Seeing a clear opening to the Goblin Itsham, he throws a perfect spiral which the goblin fails to catch. Muttering something about a new trophy for his belt, Gugfak quickly runs over and recovers the ball himself, only to be hit in the back with a jarring blow from the Wardancer Mahtalyth, knocking the ball loose. Thatalyth swoops in, grabbing the ball and dropping back before launching a pass over the heads of the defending orcs. But Badhag, star Blizter for the Bashas, makes an astounding leap, latching onto the ball with one grubby paw and ambling for the left sideline, away from the mass of elven players. And though elvish speed proves enough to threaten the Blitzer, they are unable to make a tackle, and he dodges his way into the endzone for the first score of the game.

The Rats receive the ball, loading the right-side of the field for their attack. The ball falls short and the elvish team makes a strong push up the right side, clearing the way for no less than three of their players to slip past the orc line and form a tight wedge. With a mighty scramble and perfectly placed pass, Elvananfel send the ball to the Wardancer Mahtalyth who finds herself with the ball and empty grass ahead. An easy score in the waiting. But the orcs move almost as quickly, swinging around in front of the elf while further upfield Marfak breaks the neck of their star Catcher, Heven. Undeterred, Mahtalyth nimbly dodges through the arms of two orcs and trots in for the tying score.


Second Half:

First possession of the second half goes to the Tree Rats who try a repeat of their previously successful offense. Things start off well as Mightybud sends another Black Orc to the sidelines, but a poor block by one of the elven lineman allows Marfak and Badhag to streak into the backfield and sack the ballcarrier. The squigskin lands in Marfak's hands and he scores without breaking a sweat.

At this point the Tree Rats seemed to become demoralized, cowering in the backfield, leaving only the Treant to bear the brunt of the Bashas defense. Expecting some sort of elvish trickery, the Bashas move tentatively forward. Badhag and Marfak lead the vanguard while Earguff and the Black Orcs swarm Mightybeard, pulling him to the ground and tearing off a few branches. Finally one elf steps forward to pick up the ball and makes a half-hearted throw towards the sideline, but the ball falls from the back of his hand. The Blizter's eyes light up at this sign of life from their opponent, and they rush forward, throwing the elf to the ground as Badhag gathers the ball and bolts right through the middle of the elven parade line for his second score of the day.

But when again the elves simply fall back after the kickoff, the orcs get confused. They seem uncertain as to whether the game had even restarted, and as they mill about in confusion the referee blows the whistle, signaling the end of the match.


Final Score: Bashas 3, Tree Rats 1

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Clomp! League : Season Two, Day Two

The reformed Chaos team, Malal'z Marauders, marched into the Basha stadium, eager to meet their foe in an epic clash of strength. And speaking of strength, one Beastman bulged suspiciously with muscle. So much so that Azhog was convinced that some secret chaos mojo had been used to grant him extra power. But nonetheless, the orcs of Azh's Bashas were undaunted and ready for battle themselves.

First Half:
The Bashas win the coin toss and choose to receive. Gugfak fields the ball and pushes straight up the middle with a loose cage of orcs around him. Galnak the Black Orc breaks a hole in the Marauders line, but the Chaos team swiftly responds, hammering the orc defense and pressuring Gugfak. But with a few key blocks, Gugfak breaks free and hands off to Itsham who dodges away from the swinging arms of a snarling Beastman and runs as fast as his little gobo legs will go to reach the endzone, scoring the first (and what would turn out to be the last) touchdown of the game.

With that quick score, the Bashas feel confident as they kick deep. The ball is caught by Thor'nogors the Many-Armed as the front line of the Marauders pushes the orcs back and the hulking Minotaur seriously injures Earguff the Troll. A huge hole is opened in the line with the departure of the Troll, but the Marauders miss their chance to take advantage of it as the Orc Blizters rush over to fill the gaps. Seeing this, the ball carrier bounces out to the right sideline with a solid screen of blockers. But the Black Orcs again respond, slamming into the defending screen and jarring the ball loose. The fighting is fierce. Sorruk the Orc Lineman is KOed. A Beastman by the name of Mashky Pelt is killed by Varag, but a Marauder Shaman quickly runs onto the field and sews the injured player's head back on, though it ends up a being little crooked. The Marauders manage to recover the ball but a fumbled pass and subsequent KO of Crazy Hide by Varag prevents the score as the first half ends.

Second Half:
The second half kickoff begins much like the last. Earguff returns after a hefty dose of smelling salts and immediately gets into a wrestling match with Marauders Minotaur. But the Chaos team tries something different this time. Spikey Pelt catches the ball deep, his hooves on his own endzone. He quickly darts upfield, passing it to Thor'nogors in the middle of the field. Varag again earns his keep, making a key tackle on the ball carrier, but as luck would have it, the squigskin flies up and into the arms of an unsuspecting Bash'gors. The surprised Beastman, wanting nothing to do with the ball, quickly hands it off to Brother Ezekiel, the Chaos Warrior. By this time every player still standing from both teams is involved in the battle for the middle of the field. As the orcs hammer the outside blockers, bodies get thrown around, jostling Brother Ezekiel until he suddenly finds himself shoved from the pack and face to face with the grinning Black Orc line. As the Warrior goes down, the ball slips through the hands of another orc and the battle moves to follow as it rolls towards the sideline.

The Bashas have a chance to advance the ball, but Gugfak makes an ill-advised tackle, resulting in an injury that will keep him out of the rest of the game. Riknast the Orc Blizter picks up the ball, is knocked down, and then proceeds to jump right back up, delivering a game-ending blow to the gut to Bash'gors, sending the unfortunate beast off the field. But as Riknast turns to grab the ball, it slips through his fingers, leaving him vulnerable along the sideline. The Marauders quickly retaliate, sending both Riknast and Gramnast to the bench with injuries and recovering the ball. But in a repeat of the first half ending, Varag Goug'Liver again knocks down the ball carrier and then also breaks the jaw of a second Beastman by the name of Spikey Pelt who was making a desperate, last-ditch effort to gather the ball and attempt a score.


Final Score: Bashas 1, Marauders 0

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Clomp! League : Season Two, Day One

The crowds roared for the opening day of Season Two of the Clomp! league. This would be one of the featured matchups of the day, pitting the Lizard team of Bufo Draconis against the Orcs of Azh's Bashas. The two teams had met in Season One, and both teams were eager to prove themselves in the rematch.


First Half:

The Bashas win the coin toss and choose to receive the ball, placing it in the hands of their veteran thrower, Gugfak, who moves upfield as as screen of orcs provide a loose buffer while also attempting to put some hurt on the cold-blooded killers they face. Things start off well when one of the Saurus on the line is knocked out just as the game begins. However, Gugfak underestimates the speed and power of the Saurus, as one of the scaly brutes slides in past a well-timed block and lays Gugfak out, spilling the ball onto the field. An awkward scrum ensues as the Bashas retrieve the ball and continue to advance it in short spurts as the lizards quickly pound Gugfak everytime he gets up. Finally, Ishtam the goblin sneaks into the pile, emerging with ball in hand as he spins away from a tackle. He swiftly cuts back across the field and hands the ball to the Riknast the Blitzer who easily trots in for the first score of the game, and the first of his career.

A riot breaks out in the stands before kickoff, forcing the refs to reset the clock back a few minutes, giving the Draconis team a little extra breathing room before the half ends. And they do their best to take advantage of it, pushing hard along the right side of the field, barely missing the tying score as a last-minute pass falls through the hands of the Skink waiting in the endzone, who ends up being pushed off the field as a result of his mistake and is badly injured by the visibly upset fans.


Second Half:

The second half began with the Bashas kicking off to Bufo Draconis. The Saurus again pile heavily onto the right-hand side of the field, blowing out the Orc Blizters and quickly passing the ball from Skink to Skink, pushing it perilously close to the Bashas goal line in a matter of seconds! The alarmed orcs run over to provide blocking and support as the Blitzer Galth breaks away from the cluthes of the lizards, knocks down the Skink carrier and picks up the ball himself. But the support proved to be too fragile as the Draconis team easily knocks Galth to the turf. The dimunitive Skink Itzi swoops in to grab it, and then cuts back around his blockers before making a short toss to a wide open Xlatilt in the endzone, tying the game at one score apiece in the early stages of the second half.

On the ensuing kickoff, Gugfak again fields the ball and moves up towards the center while the two Blitzers on the right, sprint downfield, rolling over a Skink along the way. Again the Saurus show their speed, though they are unable to get a block on the Gugfak, who nimbly dodges upfield, handing the ball off to Badhag, the leading scorer for the Basha. Badhag races for the left sideline, hoping to put some room between himself and the lizards. But the ever-speedy Skink respond, swarming to the ball like a pack of radbid pirhanas, knocking Badhag down and threatening to take the ball before Orcish reinforcements arrive and push them back. Badhag springs up from the turf and picks up the ball again, falling back behind a screen of orcs. But the Draconis team is short-handed at this point, and with all their heavy-hitters tied up in center field, a single punishing block along the sideline allows Badhag to slip through the gap and into the endzone, bringing the score to 2-1 in the Bashas favor.

As the game begins to wind down, the Draconis return to their tried and true formula, but an unexpected fumble slows them down just enough for the Bashas to respond, blocking that side of the field and forcing the lizards into a melee that they have trouble winning. Marfak puts the finishing touches on the game as he forces a fumble and then trips up another Skink who tries to recover it. A few uneventful fistfights break out as the whistle blows to end the game.


Final Score: Bashas 2, Draconis 1

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Clomp! League: Season Two, Intro

After a short hiatus, the league reforms for Season Two. Several coaches decide to cut their losses and pick new teams to play with, while a number of new coaches flock to sign up, having heard of the potential glory waiting for them in the trenches of the Clomp! league!

It was decided that new teams could play up to five games before Season Two started, to catch up with the teams that were returning from Season One. Unfortunately had one sneaky coach who crossed the line, somehow filling up his dwarf team with all level 3 players who had somehow scored 29 (!?!) touchdowns over 5 games, with all of the Star Player Points being evenly spread through all of his dwarves! Needless to say, this coach was booted from the league and will not be allowed to join again!

Season Two saw an expansion of the league to 20 teams. Below is a list of the teams participating in Season Two.

Returning Teams:
Blood Fang Boyz (Orc)
Azh's Bashas (Orc)
Ground Round (Dwarf)
Plaguebringaz (Skaven)
Altdorf Avengers (Human)
Bufo Draconis (Lizard)

New Teams:
The Dance of Death (Chaos)
Rodentswarm (Skaven)
Doom-Sayers (Chaos)
Zerkr'z (Orc)
Earthweavers (Wood Elf)
Children of Sand (Lizard)
Black Blood Passers (Dwarf)
Da Mork-Muun Nite-Gobbo'z (Goblin)
Eight Arrows of Doom (Chaos)
Nurgle's Pathogens (Chaos)
Waterdeep Warriors (Human)
Tree Rats (Wood Elf)
Malal'z Marauders (Chaos)
SneakyVermin (Skaven)

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Two Things I Learned While Modding Civilization IV

I recently delved into the world of modding. To be more specific, I started designing and coding a minor mod for the Civ IV mod, Fall from Heaven II. It is a small, simple mod whose only purpose is to check the terrain around a city when a unit is built. There is a small chance that the unit will receive a special, bonus promotion that increases their strength in that terrain.

A couple of interesting things I found out while trying to get my mod to work.

1) Hills and Peaks are not terrain in Civ IV. They are actually considered Plot Types, a distinction they share with water and flat land. Then, on top of that, you have the Terrain (grass, plains, etc), and on top of that you have Features such as Forest. And then Resources and Improvements fit in there somehow as well! It's a much more complex system than I had expected and it took me a while to track down the simple fact that Hills and Peaks are Plots, not Terrain!

2) Most of the art files are hidden, packed away in a special format that requires you to use a special extracting program to access them. And then some of the art files are packed even further, put into large sheets of graphic images with dozens or hundreds of other images!

Despite this weirdness, all in all, Civ IV is a very mod-friendly program. Most of the game is controlled via a system of exposed xml and python files. Easy to edit for even a novice programmer such as myself. And the community on the Civ Fanatics forums are very helpful about answering questions.

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Clomp! League : Season One, Day Five

On the final day of the season, Azh's Bashas eagerly awaited the arrival of the elven team, Errandir's Earthweavers.

And waited.

And waited some more.

The Orcs, not overly known for their patience, began to get restless as the minutes ticked by and no sign of the elven team was seen. Coach Azhog tried to keep them focused on the upcoming game, but the Bashas began to brawl with each other. After a while, Azhog gave up and with a loud WAAAGH!, the entire team charged off to find some stunties to bash.

Battered and tired, the Bashas returned to the stadium to surprisingly find the elven team waiting for them. After some quick preparation on both sides, the game begins!

First Half:

Kickoff goes to the Bashas. Things look good at the start. Not only was the elven captain forced to pay several mercenary players to join his team, but in the opening minutes, Earguff the Troll lashes out and injures an elven lineman, sending him to the sidelines for the rest of the game.

Gugfak grabs the loose ball and dodging a pair of aggressive Wardancers, makes a beautiful throw to the goblin Ishtam.

But then a bad block by Badhag that results in him lying stunned on the turf, leaving a wide gap in the line that the elves quickly exploit. As their lineman converge on the goblin, Ulviir'nor, their star Wardancer, leaps over a defender and kicks Ishtam in the back, jarring the ball loose. The Wardancer smoothly snags the ball, dodges a tackle and sprints for the center of the field! The orcs quickly respond, taking the ball from Ulviir'nor and passing it to the Blitzer Galth. Leaving a swath of elven bodies on the turf, the Bashas push straight up the middle and score the first touchdown of the match.

On the ensuing kickoff, a riot in the stands spills over onto the field. By the time things get sorted out the half is over.


Second Half:

An even bigger riot breaks out at the start of the second half. This time, Marfak is sent to the turf, which leaves a wide-open lane down the sideline that the mercenary Wardancer takes advantage of, thanks in no small part to a short kick. In a burst of speed, he nearly reaches the endzone but a desperation charge by the Orc thrower Gugfak, breaks his jaw and sends the ball flying off the side of the field. Unfortunately, the throwback lands on the goal line and Ulviir'nor quickly scoops it up and scores, tying the game.

The Bashas are never able to recover from that bad luck, and as they try and push upfield for the winning score after the final kickoff, Badhag is knocked out and Ishtam badly hurt. Unable to get a solid advantage on the speedy elves, Gugfak makes a risky burst for the goal. But again the Wardancers respond, stunning him with a solid blow and covering the ball for the remainder of the half, content to leave the field with a tie game and most of their players intact.


Final Score: Bashas 1, Earthweavers 1


Around the League:
Season One closes out with a bang as three teams finish without a loss, garnering three wins and two draws each. The final match of the season turns out to be the deciding factor, as the Blood Fang Boyz chalk up their fourth win against the Facesmashaz to walk away with the trophy, despite having lost to the dwarves of Ground Round on day two (wins are worth three points while draws are only worth one)!

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Clomp! League : Season One, Day Four

In a clash of titans, two undefeated teams meet in what is sure to be a battle royale as Azh's Bashas take on the Stormvald Horde led by Anar the Terrible!

Pre-game:

In a deep rugged canyon, covered in effigies of Gork and Mork, the two undefeated teams of Division Two squared off. The Chaos Warriors and Beastman of the Stormvald Horde gestured across the field at the Orcs of Azh's Bashas, who spurred the home crowd to newfound heights of enthusiasm, noise and carnage!

But the homefield advantage backfired when coach Azhog got distracted signing autographs before the game, resulting in the Bashas assuming a defensive formation when they were on the receiving end of the kickoff!

First Half:

With many players in less-than-ideal positions, Marfak the Blizter dashes over to grab the ball, only to have it taken from him by the orc thrower Gugfak. This initial confusion led to a quick push and blitz up the middle by the Chaos Warriors of Stormvald. One plucky young lineman by the name of Hysh not only gets the sack, but recovers the fumble and rumbles downfield towards the endzone, sure that he is going to score the first touchdown of what is sure to be an illustrious career. The orc blitzers double-time it back upfield, Badhag shadowing Hysh and catching one foot of the runner just before he crosses the goal line. It looks like things might be turning in the other direction, but as bodies fly and everyone scrambles for the ball, Gnar'nogor the Beastman, leading scorer for the Horde, easily snags it from the turf and slips into the endzone for the first score of the game!

The Bashas get the ball back with only a few minutes left in the half. This time they have the right formation in place, and as the lineman Gramnast clears the way, Badhag streaks down the field, catching a pass from Gugfak and sprinting into the endzone to tie things up. There is only enough time on the clock for the ensuing kickoff, so the Chaos Warriors take out some of their aggression on Gorfang, knocking the Black Orc out cold as the whistle blows to end the first half.


Second Half

The second half sees the Stormvald beastman fielding a short kick and forming a tight wedge on the left side of the field. The Bashas move to block, though an untimely knockout on the Black Orc Varag allows the Horde to move upfield and threaten to score again. But once again the blizters rally, laying several hard hits on the lead blockers, pushing the entire box backwards several yards. Marfak in particular earns his paycheck, seriously injuring one Beastman and killing another who was only saved by the timely (and successful) intervention of the team Apothecary!

The battle goes back and forth, injuries mounting on both sides as the Horde tries to surge forward and the Bashas repeatedly throw both themselves, and their unconcious opponents, in the way of the ball carrier. Even the Warriors and Black orcs get in on the action, leaving a befuddled Earguff standing in the middle of the field by himself. The ball switches hands several times, but for the most part, the beastman keep a tight grip on the squig-skin, frustrating the orc's attempts to recover it and clear a ball carrier from the scrum.

As the end of the game draws nigh, the beatings take their toll and the Stormvald Horde can only keep five men on the pitch to the Bashas eight. But nonetheless, they still have a chance to score up until the final moments, but an inspired tackle by one of the orc lineman again saves the day.

Exhausted and battered, both teams hobble to their respective locker rooms, feeling blessed to have come out of the meat grinder with a tie score without any permanent injuries.


Final Score: Bashas 1, Stormvald 1


Around the League:

Lord Malal's Marauders again have trouble holding onto the ball as the Orc Blizters from the Blood Fang Boyz rumble over them for a final score of 3-0.

The Avenger Ogre Borgrut again has an outstanding day, accumulating three casualties and two deaths against the battered Earthweavers. Final score is 3-1, with the lone elven touchdown coming courtesy of their star Wardancer, Ulviir'nor.

The Horned Herd battle the Plaguebringaz to a 1-1 tie game, while Ground Round and the Facesmashaz game ends with the same score.

The other elven team, the Timberland Treehuggers, also contending with numerous injuries, fight tooth and nail but lose to Bufo Draconis despite a last second touchdown run. Final Score: 2-1


In the final match of the season, the Bashas do battle with Errandir's Earthweavers.

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Clomp! League : Season One, Day Three

In Day Three of Season One, the undefeated Bashas face off against the lizardmen of Bufo Draconis.

First Half:

The Bashas get the ball to begin the game. Their thrower, Gugfak, grabs the ball off the turf and moves up the center of the field, looking to the left side where the Black Orc Galnak Break'zom is busy knocking a little Skink to the ground. The Orcs rumble forward and with a sharp, angry hiss, the Lizards of Bufo Draconis move to meet them, swinging the bulk of their team towards the left. One lone Sauros charges the Orc Blizter Marfak who has slipped downfield on the right and is looking back over his shoulder for a pass. Spotting the charging Saurus, Badhag stiffarms the lizardman, just as Gugfak sees him open and makes a risky throw. But the gamble pays off, and Marfak catches the ball in stride, scoring the first touchdown of the game before either team has even begun to warm up.

The Orcs kick off and the Skinks grab the ball and make a move up the right sideline, with the beastly Kroxigor Krokquetli leading the way. The Bashas charge in, expecting to bulldoze over the defenders as they had against their previous opponents this season. But the Saurus are as tough and mean as the Black Orcs, and the Bashas find themselves on the losing end of a vicious melee. Falling back a bit to recover, the Orcs try and block all the open lanes to the endzone. But the Skinks slip through, dodging the arms and legs of the orcs. And with a quick handoff along the way, the Draconis waltz into the endzone, scoring a touchdown of their own to tie up the game!

The third kickoff of the first half sees the lizards in a defensive holding pattern. But the Bashas rip up their standard playbook, opting for some razzle-dazzle. Gugfak runs to midfield and makes a short toss to the goblin Itsham, who dashes farther upfield before handing the ball to Marfak, who streaks down the sideline, scoring a touchdown!

The first half closes out as a little Skink by the name of Uazshix slips on the blood-stained turf and knocks himself out. Score at halftime is 2-1 in the Bashas favor.


Second Half

Receiving the kickoff to begin the second half, the Draconis team opts for a different strategy, giving the ball to the brute, Krokquetli, as the Skinks and Saurus form a protective perimeter. Again an ugly brawl starts on the sideline, with several players from both sides hitting the turf.

Darting through the confusion, the sneaky Skinks repeatedly stab the legs and other exposed bodyparts of the Basha team in an attempt to distract them from the ball carrier! Fortunately for the Orcs, the Krokigor gets overly confused and spends several minutes staring at the ball in his hands.

Damage is dealt out to both teams. Both Sorruk and Gorfang from the Bashas are KOed. A Skink is thrown out of bounds into the waiting arms of the fans. Blood and sweat flies through the air as each team attempts to find some leverage in the chaos. Krokquetli finally wakes up and makes a cut back to the other side of the field while still holding the ball. The Orc Blitzers and Black Orcs swarm the beast and make a tackle as Badhag fractures the skull of a nearby Skink. Marfak slips in past the geat Krokigor, snags the ball, dodges the fleshy tail as it swipes at his head, and finds his way the endzone for his second score of the evening!

At this point, the game was decided. There was no time for Bufo Draconis to score two touchdowns. So what had been a very thinly disguised fight became all out war as the lizards swarmed over the Black Orcs and Troll, trying their best to find a weak point for their slender shivs and claws. Galnast Eat'Ch'Ya suffers a broken neck as he tries to throw the Skinks off his back, but despite several more stuns and knockouts, no other major injuries occur as the referee calls an end to the game.


Final Score: Bashas 3, Draconis 1


Around the League:

Borgrut Lucky continues his reign of terror, seriously injuring a Treeman and killing an elvish Thrower as the Altdorf Avengers end the game tied 2-2 against the Timberland Treehuggers.

Thanks to the fumble-fingered Chaos Warriors, the Facesmashaz pull off a 1-0 victory over Lord Malal's Marauders.

In a matchup of wounded teams, the Blood Fang Boyz recover from their beating of the previous day and win 2-0 versus the Horned Herd despite a groin injury to their troll in the latter part of the game.

Ground Round defeats the Plaguebringaz 3-1 and Stormvald Horde pummels the Earthweavers 2-0.



On Day Four, the Bashas collide with the Stormvald Horde.

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Clomp! League : Season One, Day Two

Matchup: Azh's Bashas (Orc) vs the Timerbland Treehuggers (Wood Elf)

In a suspicious set of coincidences, both an Orc Blizter and the sole Thrower for the elven team suffer training mishaps right before the start of the match. The Bashas calls heads (of course), but the Treehuggers win the toss, electing to receive the opening kickoff.


1st Half:

In a move that was to set the tone for the entire game, right as the whistle blew to start the game, Mightybud, the Treeant lineman for the Treehuggers, misunderstood his orders and attempted to make an ill-advised dodge through the line of scrimmage. This did not turn out well, as Eargruff, the Basha Troll, threw him to the ground, where he would remain for the entire first half.

Deprived of any sort of heavy defense in the middle, the Treehugger pocket, with Wardancer Mahtalyth carrying the ball, decided to move up the left side in a tight formation. They quickly found themselves beset by the Black Orcs and blocked by lineman and blitzers, but their cage held strong against the first assault. And with a nifty pass back to Heven, their up and coming catcher prodigy, they made a sudden and decisive strike for the endzone. Heven cut back across the field, passing several startled orcs along the way. Two teammates followed close behind him as the quickest orcs bolted down the field to try and prevent the score. One lone Orc lineman by the name of Surrock, playing a deep defense, sprints between the goal line and Heven, delivering a solid shoulder tackle at the speedy elf, which Heven neatly dodges. However, that dodge puts him in reach of several other orcs. One of the quicker elves shifts to the outside, sliding into the endzone behind the defense as Heven makes a desperation throw. Surrok, however, is not to be denied, and he reaches out and plucks the ball from the air before it has hardly left the elf's hand.

What proceeds after that is a running melee up the right sideline, with players on both sides going down left and right, and the ball switching hands several times, but steadily moving towards the Treehugger's goal. Earguff delivers the first casualty of the game, as he brings his oversized paws down on the head of the unfortunate lineman, Al 'Anur, who dies instantly as the Mighty Blow cracks his helmet apart in a burst of splinters!

But elvish hardiness is little match for orcish strength, and as the injuries mount for the Treehuggers, the ball bounces out of bounds and is thrown back to the other side of the scrum. The goblin Itsham, in his debut appearance, emerges from the chaos, ball in hand as he cuts across to the opposite side of the field, sprinting for the touchdown in the final seconds of the half.


2nd Half:

The elves had fought a tough and hard battle to try and stop the lone touchdown of the first half, and their team had paid the price. The Treehuggers already seemed defeated, for they could only field seven players. And even worse, they had to kickoff to the Bashas to get the half started.

The elves played a defensive setup, with five players deep. Gugfak picked up the ball and moved forward while the blitzers charged downfield and the Black Orcs surrounded Mightybud after knocking out the other linemen. But despite being outnumbered, alone and surrounded, the Treeant stood firm against several poundings. Perhaps his extended rest in the first half had given him renewed strength for the second.

Gugfak weaves back and forth for a few seconds, unsure of what the elves are planning. He knows that they are both sneaky and swift. He finally spots a sure opening and sprints forward, shoving the ball into the waiting hands of Ishtam who has an open lane at the goal and an assured second touchdown for the game. But the goblin fumbles the ball, allowing one of the Treehugger Wardancers to move forward and pick it up. He then tosses it back towards the other defenders, hoping for a little razzle-dazzle, but the catch is botched, leaving the ball sitting in the Treehugger endzone. With the help of a teammate, one of the Basha Blizters pushes the other Wardancer out of the way, and pounces on the ball, making the score 2 to 0 in favor of the Bashas with only a little time left on the clock.

In the waning moments of the game, the elf catcher Elvanhanfel makes a bold run up the middle, sprinting past several blockers, only to trip on his own shoelaces and break a collarbone. Gugfak makes a quick grab and a terrific downfield throw to one of the Blitzers, but time expires before he can score another touchdown for the Bashas.


Final Score: Bashas 2, Treehuggers 0


Around the League:

Strength prevails over quickness this week, as both Wood Elf teams and the lone Skaven team of the league suffer lost games and numerous injuries. Errandir's Earthweavers are only able to field four conscious players by the end of their game against the lizardmen of Bufo Draconis.

In a battle between the followers of Chaos, Lord Malals' Marauders bested the Horned Herd by a score of 1-0 and left one of the Herd's Beastmen lying broken on the pitch.

The Dwarven juggernaut of Ground Round rolls over the Blood Fang Boyz, winning by a score of 2-1 and leaving no less than four orcs out of action for their next game.

Borgrut Lucky, the oft-confused Ogre Lineman for the Altdorf Avengers, has a short moment of glory where he actually picks up the ball and hands it to a teammate, but such heroics were not enough as the Avengers lost to the Stormvald Horde with a final score of 1-0.


On Day Three, the Bashas meet up with the lizardmen of Bufo Draconis

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